Dirty Tackle (Wychwood)

Name: Dirty Tackle
Label: "A solid looking amber beer - Ruck and maul & grab the ball"
Brewery: Wychwood Brewery
ABV: 4.0%

Tasting notes: "Avoid the scrum & make sure you score an early try with this winning full-bodied malty beer.  It's clean citrus aroma will tackle your taste buds & kick it's opponents into touch."

Game: There's something a bit wrong with Mass Effect Andromeda but it was still enjoyable for the most part. The main issue for me though was the priority missions seemed under-cooked and the experience was padded out with some of the most inane fetch quests ever committed to video game. Was too much development time spent on multiplayer rather than making sure the single player campaign was on point? If so then STOP. STOP STOP STOP. It's a Mass Effect game. A single player story driven RPG at it's core.  If there's demand for a multiplayer experience set in the Mass Effect universe then do that as well, but as a standalone game like Titanfall or Star Wars Battlefront. CD Projekt Red showed everyone how it's done with Witcher 3. Do it like that in future please.

Final definitely definitive rating: 6.5 / 10 (could do better, see me - Ed)

Golden Ale (Tesco)

Name: Golden Ale
Label: "Smooth & malty with a citrus hop aroma"
Brewery: Tesco
ABV: 4.0%

Tasting notes: "A well-balanced golden ale characterised with a refreshing citrus zest derived from a blend of hops."

Game: Apparently the new Need for Speed game due out later this year will have a "single player offline mode" and a "pause" facility.  This is absolutely groundbreaking stuff. So the single player "offline mode" means that you get to play the game without having to wait for a connection to a session and you don't have to listen to annoying gamers talking constantly, blowing into their mic and playing shit music. The new-fangled "pause" facility allows you to press a button which freezes the game at the very point you pressed the button. This should be useful as we will now be able to go for a poo or get more beer from the kitchen and when we get back to our seat the game will still be frozen in exactly the same position as when we left it.

Rating: 10 innovations out of 10

India Pale Ale (Tesco)

Name: India Pale Ale
Label: "Water, Malted Barley & Hops"
Brewery: Tesco
ABV: 4.7%

Tasting notes: "Brewed with English barley malt, delivering a full-bodied bitterness and a distinctive hoppy aroma."

Game: Giana Sisters: Twisted Dreams - Director's Cut is the newun on Games with Gold. I never played Great Giana Sisters on the Commodore 64 sadly. Although I did believe the lies that Nintendo sued the developer because it was a Mario rip-off.  Turns out Nintendo didn't sue, they just threatened them [careful, we don't want a lawsuit off Nintendo - Ed] Sorry, I meant Nintendo 'urged them to withdraw the game'.  Anyway, 21st century Giana Sisters is a great platformer, which looks absolutely stunning. And it's another one of those where you need to flip between different versions of the environment in order to progress. Nothing like Mario *pulls tongue out at Nintendo then quickly hides behind sofa*

It's a Me, 7/10

Cwrw Idris (Tomos Watkins)

Name: Cwrw Idris
Label: "The Great Ales of Wales"
Brewery: Tomos Watkins
ABV: 5.2%

Tasting notes: "Despite the Kaiser's apparent personal grudge against Able-Seaman Idris Parry, having torpedoed and sunk him not once but twice, Idris' extraordinary inherent buoyancy enabled him to survive and go on to establish the Hurns Company in Wales. He maintained that his extravagant enjoyment of fine Welsh Ales after the Great War was simply to remove the lingering taste of sea water. 'Cwrw Idris' is intended to honour all members of our Armed Forces and we are sure that Idris would approve of his legacy, the Great Ales of Wales!" That's the info on the bottle, re: taste I get a full hoppy flavour with burnt toffee and chocolatey notes.

Game: Trying to play Monkey Island 2: Special Edition without using a guide. Pretty much impossible cos thick. Already used a guide to get Largo's spit off the wall. The answer always seems really obvious after you've cheated. Then you think,

"Me: Why did I cheat and use a guide?  I could have figured that out.

Other me: Oh no you couldn't, because you're thick. Plus you already played it in the 90's and you still can't remember what to do.

Me: Yeah but that was like 25 years ago.

Other me: Yeah but you're still a stupid turd".

and so on and so forth. Anyway, these remakes are great and it's a neat touch that you can switch from fancy new graphics to the original graphics. More of these please!

Rating: 9 infuriating puzzles out of 10.